My 23-year-old stepdaughter, who moved in with my husband and their mother four years ago, has been absent for months at a time and leaves for days on end and does not inform her father where she is. This behavior has led to a messy mess in her room, which her stepdaughter found after cleaning it out and leaving. She complained about the mess and left a nasty note accusing her parents of violating their privacy. Her father, who is also unhappy with her lifestyle, has agreed to allow her back to their home, but he doesn't want to deal with it. The author suggests that you and your husband need to get on the same page about how shared space works and what the ground rules are for their shared space are also crucial.